I hate to admit just how much I depend on this entire family. I have a few phobias and they have enabled me to go on with my life, relaxed, and not having to face them. Just the thought of my family going off in different directions has placed me into a slight panic mode. My son is going off to college in September and my daughter the next year, my husband is making some decisions himself. Ugh! I am praying that one of my daughters will attend a local college. I think I am experiencing Empty Nest Syndrome, this is what you experience before everyone splits the nest.

And, the issue of all these horses to attend to. Change is a tricky thing for many of us, especially if you are comfy, just the way things are. My stable hand has other full time jobs and in bad weather it is up to me to muck and haul in order to get the horses back inside. I know I can't handle things alone, for instance, just yesterday...I strolled on down to the barn to work and there was Elvis, my daughter's large Haflinger/pony running around on my side of the fence. Somehow he had escaped. Shock takes over because my instinct is to FREAK. Instead, I calmly call him into the barn, grab horse treats and show him he is about to indulge, if he will only follow me into a stall. I am all aglow, I can seduce a horse! I nearly dropped the entire bucket of treats, I am shaking so hard. I squeeze out the door, as his big head is bobbing about in the bucket...And, Aha! I slam shut the door with him safely inside. When a horse is lose, the gory scene from the movie "The Horse Whisperer" with Robert Redford, replays in my head.

Then I go back out to see if any other horse escaped. I count heads one thru six and all are on THEIR side of the fence. I was shaking so much I could barely dial my cell to reach my barn hand. We were trying to figure out how he escaped and we were thinking he climbed one of the 5' high snow drifts and hopped the fence. All the outdoor stall doors were seemingly closed, no gates ajar.

Well, I figured it all out while I was inside mucking. A wind gust blew open his stall door and out he trotted to his pasture. He just did it the other way around and the inside stall door had been left open. I am just so glad that no other horse followed him, as they often stick together. I was the only one home. Even my Old English Sheep herding dog disappeared mysteriously when he saw the horse on the wrong side of the fence. Coward!

It is bitterly cold here western NY. The dogs look at me like I am crazy when I ask them if they want to go out. I say to them, as if they understand, "Well, you aren't going to go in here!" So, out they trudge into the arctic, wind howling, snow flying every which way. My Golden loves to roll and roll to the amazement of the others who are quick to do their business. My young Yellow Lab who has the energy of a typical young breeding dog has the need to run, despite the weather and my Old English Sheepdog is always looking for work herding, he loves winter. We allow him his full thick coat for the winter and come summer we clip him to a cute short cut. You can't believe this is the same dog underneath all that hair. He can herd this Yellow Lab throughout eternity, throughout the yard, throughout the house...utter chaos sometimes. But, last night, as the wind howled and we all curled up in bed for warmth, it was a three dog night, no room to spare.

The horses are all inside the barn today with the windchill at a -24, even hardy horses struggle. The wind is unrelenting, we were hoping for a calming in the afternoon, but it never came. The hot water spigot froze up and I had to struggle getting warm water from a tiny bathroom sink to all seven horses. They slurped up the warm water before I could even hang them in the stall. On my way to the market (we live in the country, it's market here) I eyed all my fellow horse farms...not a horse in sight, they were all in. Sometimes you think you are being a wimp, especially with the sun shining, keeping a horse locked in a stall. Are we placing all our human necessities into our care of animals? Probably...if we could, we'd heat the barn, but it's not good for them, they overheat easily. Their seven bodies lined up in the barn today actually helped warm it up, even the water buckets didn't ice over.

So, as I was saying it was a three dog night last night and the extra warmth was appreciated by all. Hugs to you all and, oh, try to keep warm even in the balmy climates (envy of us all).
n.

Hugs are really important, even the minor, almost insignificant, because many are not good huggers. They just hug in a different way. My Mom was Bear Hugs in all her letters, etc. but in real life we made up where she left off. I never understood hugs until I grew older.Over the holidays, upon my nephews and their parents leaving, barely containing my tears, I hugged like a Bear, just like Mom's letters. It felt good, like my hug was welcoming them back, just my intention , and hopefully, they return. Think about your hugs, the next time you give them.

I have recently been inspired I think to invent my own Shepherd's Pie without a recipe...oooh and it's good. I have found a new author, Jon Katz and his book, The Dogs of Bedlam Farm, and I suggest that if you need a good book to curl up in front of a fireplace (real or imaginary)run out and get this book, especially if you are an animal lover and adventure seeker. He has several more and one coming out in July...an amazing man to inspire you all. So, I know you are all waiting anxiously for my recipe, right? RIGHT???
What you will need: A glass of red wine (start at 5pm, sip slowly)
2 lbs of ground sirloin
frozen chopped onions or real (whatever's easier)
frozen mixed vegetables
mild fresh salsa, 3 TB spoons
1/2 bottle of Heinz 57 Steak Sauce
a splash of Worcestershire Sauce
a lot of cumin (to taste)
3 containers of ready made mashed potatoes (real easy, or go ahead and mash your own )
salt and pepper (to taste)
one large casserole dish

Start with ground beef in a large skillet, stove top. When fully cooked drain out fat. Add cumin, onions, salsa, mixed vegetables bag,
salsa, Heinz 57, Worcestershire, s&p (all to taste). With a spatula mix it all around till hot and mixed with a more congealed consistency. Then place mixture into a casserole and heat up all the mashed potatoes (microwave) to throw on to the top, with a frosting spatula (looks pretty). Voila! Now toss that puppy into the oven at 350 degrees for about 20 minutes. Depending on the size of your family it could be a great meal for leftovers!

Good eats!
Keep warm!
n.

"Destiny is a feeling you have, that you know something about yourself nobody else does. The picture you have in your own mind of what you're about WILL COME TRUE. It's a kind of a thing you kind of have to keep to your own self, because it's a fragile feeling, and you put it out there, then someone will kill it. It's best to keep that all inside." December 5, 2004